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The Royal Kingdom Newsletter, Volume 1, Issue 3 By The Monkey Man Himself
Contents:
1. A Mittenman on the Planet Called “Earth”?
2. Jester and Princess Relationship a Truth? Here is Evidence
3. TRK Fundraiser: Buy your very own Mittenman
4. Sir K’s Adoption
5. News Update Wrap-Up
(Editors note: Mittenmen is the CORRECT spelling)
A Mittenman on the Planet Called “Earth”?
Attention: Alert has been created in an alternate dimension by one of our very own Mittenmen accidentally stepping into a reverse-anti-gravitational vortex. He was spotted by a freelance photographer from Fox 6 News (Local News, Fox Attitude) early this afternoon. After some intergalactic vigilantes notified us we immediately took action and created another reverse-anti-gravitational vortex in its exact coordinates. . We have all the pictures that were taken and they are displayed below. We hope the photographer is not too injured.
Jester and Princess Relationship a Truth? Here is Evidence
Important news about the relationship between the Jester and Princess was acquired yesterday when one of TRK’s Mittenman scouts spotted the couple skipping through a field of flowers together and having a sunset picnic on Bigrock. Although this was accidental it was a good idea and we will have a scout follow them at all times from a safe distance. Be warned, our eyes are on you. Muahahaha
TRK Fundraiser: Buy your very own Mittenman
Right now for a limited time you (yes you) will be able to own your very own Mittenman, strait from the vats! He will Do all the work for you so you can be just like a goddess and vegetate on your Television! For more information just call this easy toll-free number, 1-800-TRK-CMAP. It will only take 53 EASY payments of $11.57, CALL TODAY!
Sir K’s Adoption
Peasant Sir K NEEDS a home because for unknown reasons he is not wanted here. He is semi-responsible, humorous, happy, but not potty-trained. Please call another one of our easy toll-free numbers, 1-888-TRK-SIRK, thank you.(Sir K is not refundable and does not have a warranty, but he is now free.)
News Update Apology
We our very sorry about the previous subliminal messages in our ad campaigns and BUY NOW WHILE THE PRICE IS RIGHT! We will try not to invade your mind any further, thank you.